Scary Pickup Lines I’ve Received on Dating Apps.
And with each post, I felt myself drifting further and further away from dating apps — because for me personally, it painted an incredibly bleak picture of young men.
Of course, it’s important to recognize that for some people, they get turned on by a conversation fueled by sexual intent – and that’s okay, I don’t want to shame anyone. It’s also great for people to be upfront about what they’re looking for on a dating app.
What’s wrong is the intimidating nature of some of the messages I’ve received.
You can ask for or suggest sex, but you should never feel entitled to sex or someone else’s body. And telling someone up front that you think “that’s a bitch, that you want to smother them, put their head in a pillow and fuck them hard” is not that.
Recently, I received a “like” from a 25-year-old with this message: “Hey, you live in [name of suburb] and/or do you drive a red Mazda two? I want to fuck you, I have a huge cock.”
It made me cringe. And for the record, I don’t drive a Mazda two but something very similar, and yes, he got the suburb right. This example is not isolated.
“I’ll hold your hand in public and your throat in private.”
“We’ve talked long enough, why don’t you want to meet me? My balls are blue now.”
“Looks like you need a fucking tough guy.” (Left playing for 12 hours). “Kiss my ass.”
I’m not the only one getting messages like these.
Like my colleague Mama Mia her colleague Emily Vernem wrote, “The dark side of dating that no one talks about is the constant little heartbreaks you go through.”
Listen to The Undone talk about burnout. The message continues after the audio.
And she is absolutely right. There is exhaustion and a sense of defeat that accompanies each of these messages. Death by a thousand cuts, if you will.
According to couple therapist and sex therapist Isiah McKimmie, this kind of experience is quite common.
“My clients regularly share their experiences with this. The frequency may also depend on the profiles of the people and the people they correspond with,” Isiah told Mama Mia. “People sending these messages are hoping to engage in sexual behavior, whether it’s sexting, exchanging photos, or getting up to have sex as soon as possible. They’re hoping that if they ‘spread it’ , someone will engage with them.”